HOCD. Mother was very scared during entire pregnancy, so I was born anxious and I've b…. (Also don’t listen to people saying that you should adjust to a homosexual life style. Do you think I encouraged pursuing a lifestyle, and if so, what lifestyle? If a lot of times I feel like I could be with a man, why does the thought of never being able to keep coming back to me? There IS Hope and a way to beat HOCD! All Rights Reserved. It feels like this is who I am and I hate it. HOCD thoughts feel real because they have emotion attached to them, they are not true. HOCD is also … I'm very encouraged to hear that you've recovered form this horible torture (HOCD) I'm curious to know what you mean on your post about some guys/girls feeling like they are the opposite of what they are? Likewise, a history of being sexually abused as a child does not mean you will automatically … the reason I ask is because when I firts developed HOCD about 1 1/2 years ago the sympton that bothered me most was this tingling feeling on my chest area , … A person may feel as if their brain … "neither helpful nor recommended in these cases" according to what or who? i have kind of recognized that the feelings of admiration, love, anxiety and sexual attraction are very similar and that … Hello Everybody, Let me start by saying I know exactly what you're going through. You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user. HOCD is killing. No, it's like, me "feeling" it. Today is the first day in a long time where I’ve had the thought of not having an equal relationship with a man. Mindfulness for HOCD often means allowing yourself to incorporate unwanted sexual thoughts, feelings, and sensations into the larger picture of whatever you are … Gay isn’t a feeling. The thoughts feel so real but then as soon as I start to believe they're real I We want to emphasise that only a psychiatrist can diagnose mental disorders. I fucking hate this stupid fucking illness. And is it even possible that I have HOCD with 14 years?! It’s like I FEEL like I’m gay. I've read around on the Internet about this and I've seen stuff about HOCD. They sometimes start losing attraction to the gender they are typically attracted to. It feels like i can't control my thoughts and my groinal reposes have gotten worst i keep thinking that I am turning bisexual this is driving me crazy. You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user. STATEMENT: As stated above, we treat anxiety disorders and the manifestations of those disorders. It feels like I can’t tell what I want anymore. My HOCD let up on me for a few days and when I should’ve used that time to stop my compulsions I didn’t. like, I thought that if I put myself in someone elses shoes, that I would be able to feel what it was like to be with someone else like,i thought that if I pretened to be her and she was gay and kissed a girl I would be able to "feel" it and get a sense of what it was like and if I was actually gay.does that make sense? Now with this hocd right now i feel really anxious and i've been checking ocdtypes every couple of minutes like every minute i've been doing it. I’ve had that feeling before. To personalize your Support Feed and get the most out of your community, please join some Support Groups. It just doesn’t seem like a man could ever treat me equal in a relationship that way. I hope this is hocd! This is ocd, and therefore that doesn’t make sense. It feels like I can’t tell what I want anymore. It feels like I could be equal in a relationship with another woman, but I can’t tell if I actually want a relationship. It isn't always helpful to self-diagnose, even if some of your symptoms are in line with things you've read online, or heard from someone else. Or am I in denial and I don't know that I'm homosexual? HOCD can be defined as obsessive compulsive disorder specifically entailing obsessive thoughts related to members of the same sex. HOCD is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder that deals with one's sexual identity. There's a war going on inside of me and I want it to stop for good, not just a day at a time. When my ocd first started I tried doing online counseling and told my counselor that one of the things I kept telling myself was I could never have a partner relationship with a guy. For men, this can be just a feeling, or having an erection. I'm tired of having everything figured out and feeling that relief like it's all going to be okay and then not a day later....meltdown. I know about ERP but I don't want to share this with my friends or family and also worried that it will create images and audios in my mind. I need someone to, I just found out my husband was chatting with a female and i. I just really miss self harming. deleted_user 01/14/2014. Having a really bad day, guys. I need someone to, I just found out my husband was chatting with a female and i. I just really miss self harming. I’m just so tired of not being able to tell what’s real and what I actually want. Everytime I get one of those feeling I do self harm. I received a settlement when I divorced. After 5 months of intrusive thoughts the anxiety stopped and it feels like I’m turning gay. I just don't want these thoughts anymore. I keep thinking of things I did when I was little and it feels like I have proof of this being real. Had to drop out of school, started medication (very high dose), talk … It feels like I would actually do these things and I just want to cry Ever since hocd started I haven't been feeling like having sex much, and my mind keeps telling me it's because I want it with a girl and I will only enjoy it with a girl :( I hate it so much. That I desire these things. I just want to know what this is and I’m afraid these thoughts are true. I just feel so sad and defeated. I received a settlement when I divorced. The reason is beca, I need someone to listen and have no one. HOCD is an illness, and who but a gay HOCD sufferer would fear being straight, the thing society prizes? extensive interviews? HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder) is a subgroup of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). a psych periodical? (You were so brave to see someone.). When my oc. Since Ive been 14 I had the feeling of being homosexual even I dont really feel like that or want it. This feels like an endless "ritual" or circle I can't step out of. Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by. Jun 30 in HOCD. I don't want to get too in-depth about this since it is making me really uncomfortable. I was diagnosed with severe OCD in college where I had a very wide range of symptoms...pretty much ran the gamut...with HOCD being one of my stronger symptoms at the time. She kept talking to me about accepting my sexuality and it just made everything worse. I don’t want to be this at all and the thought of being with guys don’t excite me at all. But it's at times that it feels like I'm being aroused by looking at something that is gay related, but I check myself, and I'm not aroused, if anything I'm turned off. If I do want to be with a woman, why does it cause me so much anxiety? I’ve had that feeling before. It causes relentless questioning of one’s sexual orientation via the intrusive thoughts that are characteristic of OCD. Straight folks with HOCD know deep down that they are not gay. In the rare times when I’m not anxious, I feel like I want guys. It just doesn’t seem like a man could ever treat me equal in a relationship that way. Even before puberty I had crush on girls, now its like I am suppressing myself. You wouldn’t tell someone who fears having cancer to check into the hospital and start chemotherapy, right?) 3) If you not treating the HOCD and you’re less anxious about your intrusive thoughts but you’re actually sort of worried about that (i.e. I watch porn (straight) pretty often and I have absolutely no problem being aroused by it. Life is just so **** empty. Life is just so **** empty. Now I’m back to feeling shitty and everything feels real. (double-blind studies? you think you might just be growing accustomed to your “new” orientation*+), that’s also pretty common for people with HOCD. HOCD isn't recognized in the DSM as a specific mental disorder. I'm not saying the help on this site isn't great but that site is all about sexual obsessions. All Rights Reserved. You wouldn’t tell someone who fears having cancer to check into the hospital and start chemotherapy, right?). So I wrote a letter of goodby. I relate to a lot of what you said and have had HOCD and know that depressed feeling when you don’t want to do anything or be around anyone and it is the scariest feeling ever and I still struggle from It but nowhere near as bad as I used to and I know the thoughts are illogical all they do is scare me and bring no physical attraction. Sometimes I see a good looking guy or actor...my mind says he is good looking....then automatically it says you are attracted to him.....then I think am I really … The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to leave my room. The reason is beca, I need someone to listen and have no one. I’ve also had the thought lately of what it would be like to be in a relationship with a woman, and I can’t tell if I want it or not. As a young teen I feared homosexuality deeply (and still do) and this is only exacerbated as my genitals move or there is a genital sensation (not groinal) at any shirtless individuals or homosexual images and thoughts; male calendars, fight night boxing games, reading hocd forums and story's describing masterbation, paintings with shirtless individuals, … Hi Kevin. It's based around the fear that one might become or somehow is homosexual … *HOCD/ROCD/POCD/OCD etc. I keep telling myself now that since I can’t imagine having an equal relationship with a man, but I can’t for sure tell that I don’t want a relationship with women, I must want to be with women. We do not practice any form of therapy outside of LAR which only addresses the emotion of fear and its inappropriate manifestations … I don't even wanna wonder I don't want to think like that:( whenever I do have these thoughts during sex I don't feel like have it anymore. Its not the thought that makes you think its real, but how you react HOCD thoughts … HOCD can feel so real sometimes that I feel like i'm going crazy. Feeling aroused down there – in your groin. © 2015-2021 Support Groups. If you … ), Gay isn’t a feeling. The thought of not having an equal relationship with a guy slowly went away. © 2015-2021 Support Groups. To personalize your Support Feed and get the most out of your community, please join some Support Groups. I'm so sorry these thoughts are causing you anxiety. She wasn’t an ocd specialists so things didn’t work out. But I am getting ahead of myself. Having a really bad day, guys. However I have never acted on the thoughts. 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